Life

Change

Quote | | Amy Audelo

Things change, or do they? So quickly I look back on my life and think of what a different person I am from 10 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I am still deathly afraid of June bugs and I still really enjoy getting lost in a good song, but my personality, desires and lifestyle have changed so dramatically.
So its probably funny to hear me say that I don’t believe people actually change.
I look back at the very lowest point of my life, when I realized that nothing in my life was what I truly wanted. I had been living an ENTIRE life based upon what the people around me wanted. I was the ultimate people pleaser and I couldn’t stop myself.

Its easy to feel unique in your disfunction. Its easy to think no one else has this issue, Im alone in my misery. But if anyone stops and does a self-check right now, like a breast cancer exam but for your inner self. What’s your favorite color? Do you love the outfit you are wearing right now? How about the decor in your house? Or the picture on the screen of your phone? Are these things your favorite, or are they a reflection of compromise with someone in your life?
I did a Self check and I realized I was no where to be found in my life. So through a long few years of reflection and painful purging, emotional and physical stuff, I no longer accept things that I don’t want.

I’m Vegan. Which means I don’t accept the belief that the best form of protein come from animals. As I type this I am 21 weeks pregnant. You can imagine the looks I get when people hear that I do not consume animal products, and that my daughter will not be drinking cows milk. It baffles and in some instances upsets people.
I am also a Christian. I believe that God exists and that he sent his Son Jesus through a Virgin birth to die on a cross for our atonement. There again people look at me sideways for actually holding true to these illogical views.
And there are many things about me that I never knew about me until the last 10 years or so.
What i realized in all the transitions is that those things about me have always been there. I remember as a child hating eggs. My sisters would request meat and eggs for breakfast and I liked fruit and breads. Not until recently did I start loving the taste of vegetables, but Im sure the social stigma of “yucky veggies” had something to do with that.
And growing up in the church I experienced religion but in my heart I longed for a genuine relationship with God. A real one on one conversation daily with the Sovereign God that loved me and had a plan for me. Only later in life did I realize that I was the deciding factor around all of these desires, turning into a lifestyle.
And that’s not change. Its growth. Something is in you that has always been there but maybe there’s something in the way. Do a self check. Ask yourself what really matters to you and then be bold. Something in you has been waiting. Set it free.

defender

| Amy Audelo

I have been bludgeoned
black and blue
oppressed
and called less

I surrendered my authority
to sin and to the world
and I became a punching bag

at some point I took a stand
I said
never again
will I be a victim
to this life
or anyone living it

and I have been so busy
defending myself
flinching at any movement
keep your hands up!
watch out for the sucker punch!
It’s coming, its just a matter of time!
People suck.

self.
you fight SO HARD to survive

But God you are my defender
you are justice
you are strength.

No one can compare
no one can overcome you
no one can beat you

not even me.
I am not the hero. You are.
It isn’t Victory without you.

We do not submit to the flesh because it has no authority, it is an empty tank of gas, it will take us no where.

Song: Lion and lamb (Bethel Music)

pour

| Amy Audelo

This morning when I woke up the Holy spirit prompted me to read Matthew 26. As I got ready I asked my husband to read it to me. The story of the woman who poured out the oil on the feet of Jesus has stuck to me all day long.

I am trying a new habit of praying in the morning, at noon and at 6 pm. For many reasons, but primarily because I am stressed out. I have changed my schedule majorly and it has left me having to say no to so many things I would love to say yes to. There literally is not enough time in the day and I am often left feeling guilty that I don’t have the energy and dedication required to spend time with friends, and time to go for hour long walks… sometimes its an extra effort to get a shower in.

Today, at my 6 pm prayer time, I felt the resistance to let the moment pass by. I’m sitting at work, I’ve been here since 7:30 am and I don’t feel like doing anything. But, then instead, I decide to pray.

Most of my “tired prayers” start generically with a “Thank You for this day…” and this one did.But it lead to more honest phrases like; “I’m tired” and “This has been a long day”.

At the moment I found myself surrendered, truly surrendered, I saw her. The woman pouring out the oil onto the feet of Jesus. I saw the people around her chastising her for her “poor management of resources”.

“What a waste! She should really use that for something more meaningful, like helping the poor!”

Jesus says to them (Paraphrasing here guys) “Look, the problems in this life aren’t going away, but I am, Your time with me is limited and this lady gets it. I’m gonna make sure that whenever they talk about me, they talk about her too.”

Talk about Glory.

You aren’t wasting your time when you stop and pour out your worship… Sure the problems, appointments, relationships and duties around you are important. Just like taking care of the poor, we need to do it. But when the time comes and we are standing before Jesus,  don’t hold back, pour every part of yourself out. His Glory is what follows.

source

| Amy Audelo

The best $48 I have spent this week was on parking ticket.

I signed up a few weeks ago to attend a seminar hosted by the California State Board of Equalization at Cal Poly Pomona. The seminar is to help small businesses find success.

I am more of a “yoga, worship or vegan cooking” seminar kind of girl but when duty calls….

I arrived late to the seminar primarily due to my poor sense of direction. Upon arriving I walked down a hall of booths, all for government agencies with tables manned by men and women wearing suits. I’m sure my red pants and Birkenstock’s gave me away… I’m not as “business” as business would define it. I’m not ashamed of that because I like who I am. But it didn’t matter, insecurity started to set in. All of the sudden I started to feel like I was in over my head. I was handed a pack of paperwork and ushered into a room with more suits. Took my seat and listened to the mayor, and the vice president of somewhere and the head of another board.  All the while, I felt smaller and smaller. “Why am I even her?” kept repeating over and over in my brain. Finally, I settled with the fact that I could skim a little inspiring knowledge and walk away from the free seminar unscathed.

I grabbed a hummus and Kale Blazer for a quick bite down in the cafeteria and headed back up for one last speaker. It was a lesson on how to boost you social media marketing. I sat down and penned down everything the young man had to say about Facebook and Instagram. At the end I quickly left. I called my mom on the way to my car, sharing with her my disappointment, just to be greeted by a lovely white envelope under my wiper blade. I got in my car and drove home, angry, tired and feeling like I had just wasted my entire day.

I got to my house and had to pack for a trip I was taking to Washington but I couldn’t seem to shake the frustration of the $48 ticket. I sat on the couch for break and started to think back on the day. I remembered the last seminar and some of the key points he had made.

He started off by saying “It’s not about you” and “It’s not about making the sale”. He said it’s about them, it’s about community. It’s about letting others use the experience and wisdom that you have for no charge.

Hopeful, I thought “What do I have to share with the World?”

Before a second went by I had my answer, “nothing.”

I accepted that I wasn’t there yet. I am too young, too inexperienced and uneducated.

I got in my car to head to the airport, the Amanda Cook song; Voyage came on the stereo. The words immediately made me think of my older sister. She has been trusting God in ways she never has before. Worshiping Him in ways she never dared to before. So (illegally) I texted her the name of the song, the artist and the word “SOAK” which simply means, stop everything you’re doing at let the words of this song wash over you. Soak up the anointing.

As I pressed send it struck me that, I, in all of my youth, inexperience and lack of education have a wealth of experience in the grace and love of God. It was in that moment that I knew what I had to share. Since then, I haven’t been able to stop writing. I haven’t stopped pouring out what I know of Him and His love. God don’t let it ever stop. I want my life to be an endless praise of you.

Song: It is Well (Live) (Kritstene DiMarco)