Month: March 2016

slow down

| Amy Audelo

In your presence there is no sin.

In your presence their is healing.

In your presence there is no limit to what can happen.

In your presence fear is cast out.

In your presence our weakness is strength.

In your presence you call beauty from ashes.

You call me into your presence

You call me redeemed, healed, miracle, fearless, strong and beautiful.

 

I pray that these words are light into your heart. Whatever dark place the enemy has lead you to you don’t have to follow him anymore. God is calling you back to His presence. He is the light and in the light darkness cannot exist.

I know that you are tired, and that the ache seems too much for you to manage.

So don’t. Surrender it. Ask Him how and then do what He says, over and over if you have to.

Song: No Fear in Love (Steffany Gretzinger)

source

| Amy Audelo

The best $48 I have spent this week was on parking ticket.

I signed up a few weeks ago to attend a seminar hosted by the California State Board of Equalization at Cal Poly Pomona. The seminar is to help small businesses find success.

I am more of a “yoga, worship or vegan cooking” seminar kind of girl but when duty calls….

I arrived late to the seminar primarily due to my poor sense of direction. Upon arriving I walked down a hall of booths, all for government agencies with tables manned by men and women wearing suits. I’m sure my red pants and Birkenstock’s gave me away… I’m not as “business” as business would define it. I’m not ashamed of that because I like who I am. But it didn’t matter, insecurity started to set in. All of the sudden I started to feel like I was in over my head. I was handed a pack of paperwork and ushered into a room with more suits. Took my seat and listened to the mayor, and the vice president of somewhere and the head of another board.  All the while, I felt smaller and smaller. “Why am I even her?” kept repeating over and over in my brain. Finally, I settled with the fact that I could skim a little inspiring knowledge and walk away from the free seminar unscathed.

I grabbed a hummus and Kale Blazer for a quick bite down in the cafeteria and headed back up for one last speaker. It was a lesson on how to boost you social media marketing. I sat down and penned down everything the young man had to say about Facebook and Instagram. At the end I quickly left. I called my mom on the way to my car, sharing with her my disappointment, just to be greeted by a lovely white envelope under my wiper blade. I got in my car and drove home, angry, tired and feeling like I had just wasted my entire day.

I got to my house and had to pack for a trip I was taking to Washington but I couldn’t seem to shake the frustration of the $48 ticket. I sat on the couch for break and started to think back on the day. I remembered the last seminar and some of the key points he had made.

He started off by saying “It’s not about you” and “It’s not about making the sale”. He said it’s about them, it’s about community. It’s about letting others use the experience and wisdom that you have for no charge.

Hopeful, I thought “What do I have to share with the World?”

Before a second went by I had my answer, “nothing.”

I accepted that I wasn’t there yet. I am too young, too inexperienced and uneducated.

I got in my car to head to the airport, the Amanda Cook song; Voyage came on the stereo. The words immediately made me think of my older sister. She has been trusting God in ways she never has before. Worshiping Him in ways she never dared to before. So (illegally) I texted her the name of the song, the artist and the word “SOAK” which simply means, stop everything you’re doing at let the words of this song wash over you. Soak up the anointing.

As I pressed send it struck me that, I, in all of my youth, inexperience and lack of education have a wealth of experience in the grace and love of God. It was in that moment that I knew what I had to share. Since then, I haven’t been able to stop writing. I haven’t stopped pouring out what I know of Him and His love. God don’t let it ever stop. I want my life to be an endless praise of you.

Song: It is Well (Live) (Kritstene DiMarco)

tell it

| Amy Audelo

When young enough to dream

but old enough to know

I thought life would be different

I thought it would be easier

Less painful.

I thought I’d be better.

I thought things would work out for good.

A happy ending for everyone.

 

I died. That’s my story.

I died to all the things I thought

I died to the expectations

that I wrote with confidence on my heart.

You can’t scrub it off

You have to die.

and the moment I did

the last beat of my heart started a new life.

 

Your story.

 

Song: Already all I need (Christy Nockles)

presence

| Amy Audelo

You are God.

You made me.

I am yours.

You are love.

You are kind.

You are fire.

You are life.

God we worship you,

Not because we are worthy

We praise you because

You are worthy of all praise

I am not qualified

All I can do

Is sing this song

All I can do is this.

And when I raise my voice

When I say out loud

That I am yours

Your aroma will fill this place.

I want to run to your throne

I want to sing loud and strong

Lifting my hands

Lifting my heart

Surrendered to your strength

Speaking of your goodness

In this place you know each name

In this place you see each broken heart

Song: Unstoppable Love (Kim Walker-Smith)

prince of peace

| Amy Audelo

My hands shake

My voice trembles

Be confident

But, all I know is you.

Who was and is and is to come.

Who did and does and will do.

You are I am.

You will always be.

Nothing left for me

Lived by the sword

Died by the word

Asked for a king

And a King did come.

Song: Shoulders (for KING & COUNTRY)

labor and life

| Amy Audelo

Ashes from the fire

Soot in my mouth

Smudge on my cheeks

A woman is screaming

But the dry bones

Lay lifeless.

The spirit whispers

It calls to the dry bones

And they rise

And they breathe

And they are called

White as snow.

She fought for me

Labor and life

Life and rebirth

She fights for me

In the light

I can see her now.

She is Beauty.

For My Mama

Song to Soak: Slow down (Nicole Nordeman)

the promises

| Amy Audelo

Early in the morning all I want to do is head to my kitchen pop in a k-cup, and then head to the living room to switch on the heater. Our one bedroom apartment is cold and drafty with creaky hardwood floors. Perfect for snuggling, but torture for a person who tends to run cold, like myself.

Once my coffee is brewed, I add a quick pour of cashew or almond milk and I sink into my secret place. Time in the word, worship songs, or just silent meditation is how I long to start each day. It just washes away all the worry or frustration I seem to wake up with.

One particular morning I received an early morning text from my little sister. She was asking me if I would be interested in going to look at a potential new living space with her. My little sister had just recently gone through a rigorous job interview process and was offered a position paying triple what I make in a year, not to mention a welcoming signing bonus. She was making some adjustments to her lifestyle as a result. My sister more than deserved the job and they pay, she has spent years working through college as a single mom. I am elated for her. But that day, I felt a small seed of “well, if I had that money…” and not the good kind of “well, if I had that money…”

I informed her that I was working the day she was going to check out the new Digs and I would be happy to go with her a different day if possible. She texted me also that she would love for me to see her new car…

You can imagine what came next. Vile thoughts of jealousy ran through my mind. My sister, who I love was and is becoming successful. She is making a life for herself and for her son. She loves the Lord and worships through amazing outlets like paintings and passionate discussions of creation and the universe. She offers counsel to me when I feel overwhelmed and over the years we have grown a friendship I never saw coming. We have both faced trials and find common ground at the foot of the cross. And yet, this day, I was willing to, if even just for a moment, look at the provision God has given her and call her unworthy. Or maybe just consider myself more deserving of it.

After a few moments of this, I walked into my bedroom to find my husband just waking up. I think he must have seen something on my face because he began to ask questions. I told him about my sister and that I was battling some pretty grimy thoughts about what she and I had been texting about. As soon as I had finished my confession, a thought and quickly a phrase came out of my mouth. “Let’s talk about the promises of God.” My husband agreed and instead of focusing on my sister’s life we focused on who He was. It seemed to just flow out of us.

“He loves us, and nothing can separate us from His love”

“He is Sovereign over all things”

“He is our provider”

“He knows the desires of our hearts”

“He formed us, unique and with intention”

“In my weakness He is so Strong”

All of the sudden I felt a smile, an uncontrollable smile on my face. I was free.

 

Whenever I am face to face with jealousy, gossip, bitterness, or fear my new response is to try to remember to speak aloud the promises of God. They renew my mind, they bring healing, and I feel safe and cared for. Knowing the truth about Him is all I need. Living a life that reflects that belief is exactly what He asks of me. He calls us to be his witnesses. What a simple but not so easy way to walk through life.

To my little sister, I am so proud of you, and I love talking with you about the promises of God.

Song: Own Me (Ginny Owens)

why yellow?

| Amy Audelo

Have you ever wanted an answer for everything? From God. He is sovereign, He knows all things and He knows the absolute best choice I could make for my life. Who better to ask about the desires of my heart then the one who created those desires?

I’ve made some mistakes in my life. A lot of mistakes. Not like wrong turn or bad haircut mistakes. My mistakes have broken hearts, devastated families and caused harm I never thought I’d ever be responsible for. So you can imagine when I got saved and started to experience and learn more about the all powerful all knowing God just maybe I could get some insight on the best choices to make. For everything; food, clothing, directions, conversations, you name it. I sought Him for  nearly everything I could consciously think to ask Him for.

Now when you really imagine what this was like I want one key phrase to stand out in your mind, “slow”. The process of seeking God for everything, required that I ask, and then wait for an answer for things that I had done automatically for years of my life.  Sometimes I wouldn’t get a prompting. I would sit on my knees in front of my closet or refrigerator, and although I had peace, I had no clear idea of what to eat for breakfast.

One Sunday morning I was getting dressed for church and I, as many women would lament, had nothing to wear. I was frustrated, fed up with my closet, my life choices, my past was overwhelming me and the spiral took me deeper and deeper. Until I remembered that now I could ask God for help, I had the all powerful all knowing creator to overcome the battlefield of fashion. So right then and there I stopped my tantrum and simply asked for help on what to wear to church… and a response came.

“Something yellow, I always love when you wear yellow” in tears I rose from my knees to see two yellow pieces of clothing hanging amidst the other clothes in my closet, I picked one and formulated an outfit in seconds. Did it look great? How many compliments did people give me? Was it perfectly flattering? I don’t really know, and to be honest i don’t really care. The all powerful, all knowing creator of the universe finds joy when I wear yellow. Is it a little silly? Maybe even foolish, you bet. But it is an unmovable landmark in the love relationship that I share with Him.

To this day I think I may only have 1 or 2 yellow items in my closet. Sometimes they are buried amidst other things, but on the off chance that one of those items finds its way into an outfit, it’s always that last glance in the mirror that I can hear him say, “There’s my girl”.

I need you, I love you, I want you (Tenth Avenue North)

Who am I?

| Amy Audelo

Why does the question of identity ring through my mind again and again?  Even after defining moments; birth, spiritual re-birth, or marriage. Of course I know I am a daughter, a christian and wife.. someday I will be a mom. But none of these significant titles stand up to the daunting giant; Identity.